I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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