dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
