We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
