last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
