I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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