we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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