Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Say something about gay babies.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
