I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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