We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
