yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
