....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
