I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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