Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
