he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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