Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
