Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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