I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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