If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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