dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize