I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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