she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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