you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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