I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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