Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
