I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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