I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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