She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
