that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
