But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
