Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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