Can Purell be used as lube?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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