I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
