My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
