New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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