Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
