I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
