Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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