I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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