I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
