so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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