Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
