Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
