god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
