Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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