im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
