Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
