I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
