She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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