Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry about my life...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
