Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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