he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize