Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
