its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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