Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
