well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
