She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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