Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
