And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
