I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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