I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
