sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
