I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is Oprah even human
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
