it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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