I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize