My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
